Surprise Doctor Visit!

[Note: Some the pictures ahead may be a little intense for some readers and are rated TV-MA, though the page all loads at once so you can probably already see them…]

I figured it was only a matter of time before I would need to make an unplanned visit to see a doctor. I just didn’t think in a million years it would happen like this.

The first thing this morning (Thursday), while I was half asleep, I went to pull a cereal box out of the pantry and in the process knocked a jar of Alfredo sauce off of the shelf. I landed squarely on my toe. This picture was taken less than 2 minutes later (note: had I known this was going to happen I would have cut my toe nails this week, but that’s not the grossest part, so you may not have even noticed =):

The damage to the nail was instant. And hurt. Bad.

I didn’t think it was broken, but given my current medical history and the fact that I’m both prone to infection and no longer capable of healing normally, I thought it would be a good idea to check-in with my oncologist to see if she thought I should have it looked at (something I normally wouldn’t have done). Later in the afternoon her office got back to me and as it was still painful they recommended that I have it looked it. I agreed as I was concerned about the amount of blood and pressure building up under the nail, again seems the type of thing that could lead to a problem with so many of my normal body functions as compromised as they are.

Luckily my local clinic had an opening on such short notice (I think it helped when I explained that “my oncologist wants me to be seen today”) so I didn’t have to go to Urgent Care in Seattle or Bellevue. I was able to get in at clinic just down the street at 4:00pm.

By this point it looked a bit worse, but really most of the damage was apparent immediately after the “sauce trauma”:

The doctor quickly confirmed that it wasn’t broken but given everything else agreed that it was probably good of me to have come in. Since I was there she thought it would be a good idea to try and get some of the blood out from under the nail, both to take pressure off the area for comfort and to hopefully save the nail. So with a needle she proceeded to drill a hole in the top of my nail.

Back at home now tonight, the blood continuing too slowly ooze out, and I’ve been putting my foot in warm water to encourage it along. I’ve learned to appreciate medical terms for things so I wanted to share that according to my discharge paperwork I had a “subungal hematoma” for which she performed a “tephination” as her last act before going on break for the holiday. Merry Christmas Dr. Constans!

Guilt

For the first time since crushing it last week, my toe is feeling better and I’m beginning to walk normally again.

Interestingly, since I’ve stayed off my feet for pretty much the entire week I’ve been feeling really good as well. Normally I think I would be trying to do things and would up on my feet working and cleaning around the house etc. This would typically exhaust me and make me feel like crap, so I guess there is something to taking it easy and just sitting on the couch for a few days until I feel better.

Of course I’ve accomplished nothing all week, so I guess its a trade off. Push myself and actually be useful but feel the effects of the fatigue and achyness, OR sit on the couch for several days and feel physically better.

The problem is that I just can’t sit still. Even when my “job” is just to “get better” I still find that I feel guilty sitting at home and taking it easy while Christine is out at work.

It’s something that I’ve actually struggled with ever since I left my old day job last spring. When I’m in a show I work nights, but during the day I always found that I couldn’t really bring myself to just relax and read, or watch TV, or play video games. I did whatever I could to keep myself busy with things I felt made me useful: cleaning, running errands, and working on various projects. So it’s something that has always been issue for me, but has definitely been heightened for me since getting sick.