Category Archives: The Cancer

I miss it already… and I have a long wait ahead of me

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My friend Andy is a High School Drama teacher and for the last several years I’ve always been invited into his process during the final weeks of his shows leading up to opening. I’ve always enjoyed its something that I look forward to  every fall and spring. It’s been amazing to get to know the kids and watch them grow and learn throughout their High School Drama Careers (I still can’t over the fact that it’s been 10 years since I’ve had mine!) This year has been particularly special as he has now been at the same school for 4 years, so I’ve been watching and working with many of the seniors  since they were freshmen.

Their production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream opens next weekend and I sat through my third run through last night. After the run I got the chance to give notes while Andy was working elsewhere and afterward spent 20 minutes or so working a scene with a couple of the actors. Working with young actors I often find myself surprised at their sometimes enthusiastic and eager reactions to what are (to me) rather obvious and mundane suggestions. I guess there must be something to be said for that college education I went and got, and these years of experience that I have now, because some of these kids seem to think I’m a genius! At any rate, I had a blast last night and look forward to returning to their rehearsals for the next couple of days. Although it’s only been a little over a month, before today it felt like it had been FOREVER since I’d had my hands on a piece of theater.

I miss it. I miss working. I miss my co-workers in the theater community. I miss going to work every night. I just miss surrounding myself with a creative and collaborative process. The Theater is a unique and interesting “place” to work and I just simply miss being around it all of the time.

But yeah, I can’t tell you enough how great it feels to be useful again, even if it’s only for a few more days. This is what I do, I make theater. But unfortunately a career in the theater lends itself to being an all or nothing sort of thing. Unlike many other people out there battle cancer, I can’t take a few days off of work every other week for treatment. That’s not how my industry and chosen profession work. If you can’t commit to the 90+ show run then you’re not going to work. And unfortunately the advanced nature of auditioning and booking gigs a few months ahead of time means that I really can’t start audition again until I know for sure I’m done with chemo and I get my first test results back that indicate “No Evidence of Disease.”  I had to drop out of the show that I was supposed to be working on right now and I’m now basically on the Disabled List. Even worse, I’ve been declared “Out For the Season.” I may only be  slated for another 6 or so months of chemo, but I don’t anticipate working again until next fall at the earliest. It’s hard not to dote on that thought.*

We are seeing the first preview of the show I was supposed to be in right now on Sunday and I’m really curious as what it will be like watching a show that I was originally slated to be in. I’m expecting a pretty mixed bag of emotions. But above all, I think I’ll just be glad that I’m be back sitting in the office again for a few hours. It’s just a for a brief visit, but I’ll be back work full-time just as soon as I can.

I just miss it, that’s all.

*Please forgive me the use of the word “dote.” Like I said, I spent all afternoon in a  Shakespeare rehearsal. Earlier I used the word “churl” in a sentence. It was awkward.

Balding

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It’s been 2 weeks now since I cut my hair and my hair continues to thin dramatically.  However, I  am still holding out hope that it isn’t going to fall out entirely and that enough hairs can hold on so that I won’t have to shave the rest off. I don’t know though, it’s starting to get pretty precarious up there:

Definitely some clear bald spots forming here in the back:

And a before and after for comparison.

Before (2 Weeks ago):

2 Weeks Ago

And After (Today):

Today

I don’t know if the pictures do it justice or not, but I do know that more than once this week I’ve caught myself in the mirror and thought, “Damn, I’m really starting to lose my hair!”

On the positive side, today when I dried my hair after getting out the shower my towel wasn’t covered in hair. This is first time in weeks that haven’t seen any hair at all. Come to think of it, I don’t know even why I am drying my hair with towel anymore, it pretty much dries instantly on its own since its so short. I guess it’s just a matter of habit at this point. Habit, and that I’m always check to see how much hair is going to have come out.

On the other hand the hair loss really started taking off at the 3 week mark after the first chemo treatment, so there is still time for it pickup again. Especially since I should be back on the 2 week schedule now, assuming no further interruptions.

It really doesn’t bother me too much though. I don’t think I would I mind too much if I did wind up completely bald, or close enough that I had to shave my head all the way. It will grow back when I’m done, and I don’t think I’d look too terrible with no hair at all. Unlike most people my face doesn’t have any complexion so my perfectly white bald head would blend with my perfectly white face.

PLUS this hair loss stuff isn’t too bad, I don’t have to shave my face anymore these days. It’s been two weeks and  I only have a few little bits of stubble just starting to peak out.

Going in for another blood draw today in advance of Chest Port Placement tomorrow and chemo again on Wednesday. Like I said, I don’t know what, if anything has changed, regarding my blood clotting issues, so I’m hoping that they won’t cancel the chest port placement again after the blood test as they did last time. Additionally, I am eager to see how the daily injections that I took after my last chemo treatment have effected my white blood cell counts. I’ll be sure to let you know the results as soon as  they come back.

Apparently I’m not sick anymore…

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… if my blood work is to be believed.

Before I get too excited I should note that there is still one test that I can’t seem to see the online results for. And it’s an important one as it contains the White Blood Cell count that I am most eager to see.

But, I did the results back from the rest of the tests and everything is pretty normal. This round of blood work returned something like 40 different results and all of them were within the normal ranges with the exception of one element from the liver function test which was elevated and indicates stress on the liver. But I think (though I’m still not a doctor) that it’s perhaps to be expected given the chemo treatments? I’ll find out on Wednesday when I see the doctor.

What’s weird though, is that they also tested the clotting factors in my blood again and it too came back normal. Normal, as in, entirely within the normal ranges like a normal person. This is a far cry from the last time I had this test done and my blood was clotting at half the rate of  normal. This is definitely another question for the doctor, but as she seemed just as baffled as I was by that initial result, I’m not holding out hope that she’s going to have too many answers for me on that front.

At any rate, we are a “go” for the Chest Port Placement procedure today! We check it at 8:30 this morning. We’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

“He’s more machine now than man; twisted and evil”

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The Chest Port Placement procedure went off without a hitch yesterday. And while I’m not quite Darth Vader yet, I do feel like I’m much closer to being a cyborg than I was yesterday.

We checked in at 8:30 and I was prepped for the procedure with an IV and saline/anti-biotic solution.

I probably could have smiled... but I was a bit drugged

When they were ready for us I was moved down a floor to where we meet with team doing the procedure and went over all the paper work and release forms etc. At this point they showed us what it was that they were about to put into me:

The procedure was quick, and from my perspective was very much like the lymph-node biopsy I had at the end of September. For both I was given a mild sedative so that I was relaxed and then then a local anesthetic for the cutting, digging, and probing part. But unlike the lymph-node biopsy, which from my perspective took about 10 minutes (it was actually closer to an hour) the chest port placement was actually about 10 minutes.

Afterward we moved back upstairs to the bed (as pictured above) and I had to stay for about an hour and a half for monitoring before they let us go. But after a quick nap, we were soon on our way home.

I haven’t been able to see what it looks like yet since I was told to keep the surgical dressing on until later today when they’ll take it before chemo. But I can feel it. The port is located just under the skin on the other side of my collarbone from where I had the lymph-node taken out. The catheter then enters a vein (I was told they have several options and I didn’t catch which one they actually went into) and the catheter ends shortly before the vein connects back up with the heart.

It’s a little sore. It’s just above the pectoral muscle so it hurts a bit if I move my right arm around. Also it just feels tight, both from the trauma done to the area from the procedure and because I can feel the port just underneath the skin, stretching it a bit.

Now I’m just curious to see how they take this thing and plug me in. I’ll find out later today.

Happy News!

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I promised over a month ago that we would eventually have someactual happy news to report here on the blog, and I’m not just talking about the “hey, I’m only kind of dying” sort of news. I’m talking about genuine good news.

Today it was announced that Christine has been promoted at work!. I am very proud of her, and for the first time since my diagnosis, I feel like we are getting back on track in life. When I was diagnosed, she withdrew from classes at her upcoming MBA program, and deferred to next year. I withdrew from the play I had been cast in for this holiday season. Both events felt like a setback for us. Now that her career is still advancing, things are starting to feel right again.

But wait; there’s more!

My dad took me to my chemo appointment yesterday because Christine had to be at a meeting in the afternoon regarding her new position, and we met with the oncologist. So far, the oncologist is pleased with my progress! Based on how I’m reacting to the chemo so far, we think we are on the right track, and I’m responding to treatment. When we are closer to 1/4 of the way through chemo (in about early December), I will have some follow-up tests and scans to confirm her suspicions of a positive reaction.

In additional good news, even though the area is bruised, the chest port that was installed on Tuesday did a great job, and the time it took to receive the chemo treatments was shorter than when they had previously tapped into my ever-squirrely arm veins.

Thanks to my dad for going with me yesterday and acting as chauffeur and note-taker during the oncologist appointment (at Christine’s direction, of course). We are both unbelievably grateful to have such amazing family and friends. Even though I just had chemo, I am genuinely hopeful and pleased right now.