Author Archives: Brian

Like counting the rings on a tree

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I don’t know how well these pictures are going to turn out, but I wanted to show you what my fingernails look like after 6 months of chemo.

Hopefully you can see in the pictures that there is a series of 8-10 horizontal bands running across each nail. Think of it as a time line of the last six months. Alternating times of good health and bad. Or rather, alternating times of chemo, and recovery.

My thumbnail on my left hand has a brown vertical stripe running through it (so running from the cuticle to the end) but I couldn’t get a good picture of it.

Interesting stuff.

I’ll go cut my nails now.

The Big Climb

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I’ve mentioned The Big Climb before.

It’s 69 flights of stairs.
It’s 1311 steps.
It’s 3 days after my last chemo appointment.
It’s gonna suck.
But I’m gonna do it.

I’m pretty out of shape after not getting much exercise after the last 6 months (much to my doctors annoyance) but the fact that this event is scheduled for mere days after my FINAL chemo appointment is a sign enough that I should do it.

When I did it back in 2006 (or something like that) I think my time was just under 15 minutes. It think this year I’d be happy with under 30

OOPS. HA! Actually. I just went to the website to formally sign-up and was greeted with the following message:

The 2011 climb has sold out as of 2:30 p.m. on February 28th.

So strike that. Apparently I’m not doing it =)
I think my sister and father-in-law got their registrations in on time though.

So close…

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At first I thought it would only be a matter of time. But after a while I really thought I was going to make it.
But alas, this week I have finally succumb to the “the sick.” Yes, I have a cold.

I woke up on Thursday with a sore throat and a bit of a runny nose, but I was hoping that it was just the start of allergy season, as the weather on Wednesday was quite lovely indeed. I was a little worried that they wouldn’t let me go through with chemo on Thursday if I thought I might be sick, and I thought about not saying anything to the oncologist, but as it turns out, she didn’t really care.

Its almost shocking to think that this is first time that I’ve had to deal with any kind of “contagious” disease in the six months since being diagnosed. Especially considering the lengths that we have gone to keep my white blood cell count up. Every two weeks my immune system is basically reset back to zero, and every two weeks (with the help of daily injections) it works its way back up to barely passable levels before being leveled out again with the next dose of chemo.

It will certainly be interesting to see how this cold progresses, it’s already pretty miserable and I’m pretty sure that it’s just getting warmed up. I’m just bummed that I ALMOST made it through without getting sick.

Starting the long climb back to the top

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Today at the gym I shot around for a little bit and it got me excited. This is an action shot that I took myself today. Not great, but it’s harder than you’d think to take a picture of yourself shooting a basketball:

It was terrible, and I was winded just moving around shooting the ball, but it none the less got me excited for my inevitable return to the weekly game!

“The Sunset League” as we’ve now taken to calling it, was started as a random idea back in February of 2008. I have a couple of friends who are teachers, and they got permission to use their gyms for some basketball. So for the last 3 years, more often than not, Saturday mornings at 7am, you’ll find 6-8 of us in a school gym, getting together to play basketball for 2-3 hours. On the list of things that I’ve missed not being able to do because of my illness, this ranks right up there.

I can’t stress enough how much I have missed going for the last 6 months, but I just knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. Even on my off week I just wasn’t in a position to be physically pushing myself up and down the court.

But as excited as I am to get back at it, I’m pretty anxious about it too. I just told the guys on our email thread (after staying silent for the last 6 months!) that I’ll need another month or so before I can come back. After all, I’m currently the heaviest I have EVER been, and I’m in the worst shape of my life.

I’m working on it though. I tried several times to get myself to workout on a regular basis during treatment, but it just took so much out of me that it hardly seemed worth it. I just couldn’t keep it up. Now however, as we countdown to the end, it feels different and I have no doubt that this is the actual start of me reclaiming my body, my health, my fitness, and my life.

My body has been ravaged by cancer, poisoned by drugs, and I’ve allowed it to slip away into a unfit form unlike I’ve ever seen it or known it before. I think as far as my physical fitness and health goes, this is rock bottom. So its all looking up from here!

In about a month I look forward to blogging about my first game back. I’ll be a few pounds lighter, in better shape that I am now, but with still a long way to go. I’ll have just gotten my ASS kicked all morning long, but I’ll be happy! It will mark a milestone for sure, a true marker for me that I made it through. I can’t wait!

In!

HairGROWTH Part I

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Ever since I was taken off of the bleomycin due to lung damage back in early January, my hair has slowly started growing again. Well… kind of… and only in certain places.

Where its most noticeable is on the top of my head. It’s slowly coming back in, though not quite as thick as “normal” hair growth yet. And what is coming back in is pretty fine and soft. The color is also much redder than it’s been in years. I was a red head growing up and still thought of myself as one, but as I’ve discovered in the last few months (as people have noticed my redder hair growing back) is that many people who have only known me for a few years, think of me as having brownish hair. For the record, my resume says “auburn” I think that covers it well. Though if this continues, I may have to change it back to “red.”

Along with the color, it’s also coming back so far much softer and finer than it was before. I basically feel like it’s reverting to an earlier state. The physiological equivalent of curling up into a ball, sucking its thumb, and reverting back to an earlier form of itself. In this case it’s going back to an infantile state since its as soft and fine, and as red, as when I was a baby.

I never completely lost the hair on my lower arms, but I did lose the hair on my legs. It’s very hard to see, but in the right lighting you can see little sprouts of hair starting to come back on legs, but for the most part they are still smooth.

The place that is has started growing back through is my chin. Not on my face, but just from the bottom of the chin to the top of the neck.

Artist

The rest of my facial hair is still MIA. Not that I could ever grow it in the first place. But still, even in my prime I would have to shave every other day or so or I would start to look pretty scraggly and gross. Not anymore though. I think I’ve maybe picked up my razor 3 times in the last 6 months.

I am really curious to see how it will take for the rest of my hair follicles to wake up after my last chemo on THURSDAY (!!!)

I could really use some eyebrows.