That second appointment with the Radiology Oncology department featured one of more intense medical procedures I’ve had during this whole ordeal. In many ways, even the 2 surgeries I’ve had (the lymph-node biopsy and the chest-port installation) were less intimidating that this was, but mostly because I was drugged for those. I was reminded of the card that Emily included with the holiday gift from everyone. It said:

Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think of it as lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.

– Asha Tyson

I’m not saying it was THAT horrible of an appointment (really I just like the quote, I think of it often) but it was certainly one of those days where I was glad for everything that had come before it.  As I said to the technician I was working with: If this had been the first thing I’d done, it might have seriously freaked me out, but I’m not phased by much anymore.

Forgive me for getting a little dramatic here, I should just get on with telling you what this appointment was all about.

I will be receiving daily radiation (M-F) to my chest and neck. Its very important that I remain still during each procedure, and it is very important that I assume the same position every day for the treatment so that the same areas are radiated precisely with as little damage as possible to the surrounding tissue. So, in order to facilitate this, I will be wearing a “mask” over my head, neck, and chest that is then literally attached to the table in order to hold me in the same place and position each time.

When I receive treatment each day it will only have to be “strapped in” to the thing for a few minutes. They have to make the mask first, and once they shaped it around my face, neck and shoulders I had to stay in it while they took a series of CT Scans which they then used to map out which areas will be radiated. All in all I think I was strapped to that table for about 30-40 minutes while they made the mask.

This isn’t the actual mask that made for me, but it gives you an idea. Mine is bigger, as it covers my neck and part of shoulders. This was the example one that was in the nurses office:

So making sure I’m in the same position everyday is serious. To top if off, I was also given a small permanent tattoo in the middle of my chest. It will be used as another reference point to ensure that everything is lined up correctly. It’s not as big a deal as it sounds. It’s smaller than some of the freckles that I have, but still, it’s a tattoo, I’ll have it forever.

This is a self-portrait:

The little black thing I’m pointing to is the tattoo. The big brown thing is a giant freckle that I have, and the weird white thing which completes the triangle is a scar from the first chicken-pock that I had when I like eight or something.

Sure it’s small, but now can I say that “I’ve had some ink done…” Maybe I’ll have the tattoo expanded and  turned into a swooping eagle across my chest or something BADASS like that when this all done.  That’d be cool!

So yeah. Needless to say, it was intense day.