There is another reason why I keep thinking maybe I’m almost done with this treatment course: I normally feel pretty good during the days leading up to my next chemo appointment since obviously they are they days farthest away from the last chemo appointment. But this week, I don’t just feel pretty good, I’ve felt great.

There are a few possibilities behind this. The first and most likely is that it’s because I’m currently not on the full treatment regimen. If you recall, last month, because I was beginning to show signs of possible lung damage, I was taken off of the bleomycin, leaving me on only 3 of 4 chemo drugs that I would normally be given. I’ve commented a few times over the last month on how the lack of bleomycin seems to have favorable results on the way that I feel, and perhaps and this is just another way that it’s presenting itself.

But then I think there is another possibility. Maybe I’ve felt so great this week because the tumors are gone? Maybe I’m at the point now that that only thing keeping me “sick” is the chemo drugs themselves. If that’s the case, then maybe now that I’m this far away from my last dose I’m starting to feel normal again (for lack of a better term). I’m still not a doctor (you’d think I would be by now, seriously), but it seems to make sense to me.

God, I just can’t get over how great it would be walk out of that office tomorrow knowing that it’s almost over. We are pinning our hopes on some great news today in a serious way. A way that I haven’t allowed myself up until this point. And again, I’m terrified that we are setting ourselves (and everyone) up to be disappointed. That’s one of the reasons that I’ve been so reluctant to talk about it in the first place, but it goes back to my commitment to be honest with myself and really use this blog as a tool to document where I am at both physically and mentally in the process.

So where I am physically and mentally? The answer  is “DONE.” I’m just done with it all. I’m done physically, and I’m done mentally. And now all I can think about is that I hope my oncologist sees it the same way, and that she thinks that I’m “done” medically.

Today I’m either going cry tears of joy, or I’m going to shatter into a million pieces. Either way its going to be a big day.

We’ll keep you posted.