Monthly Archives: December 2010

“Gym? What’s a Gym?”

Posted on by
4

I went to the gym today for the first time in 5 months. I asked when I checked in and they said the last time I was there was July 2nd. Though in my defense I didn’t see much reason to go the gym this summer.  After all I was losing weight without even having to workout…

I wasn’t there for very long, maybe 20 minutes, and I spent the whole time just shooting hoops. Just easing back into this whole “physical activity thing.” It sure felt like a lot of work though, just lightly jogging around the court for the first time in a few months was pretty intense and by the end my legs were a bit shaky and my arms were tired. Not so impressive but it’s a start I guess.

CT Scan Today

Posted on by
3

We are going in this morning for a CT Scan!

We probably won’t hear anything about the results until we next meet with the oncologist on Wednesday, but we are really excited to have this test done. This will be the first time that we will get an idea for how I am responding to chemotherapy. Though all signs point to the fact that I am responding well, it will be (hopefully) a great relief to see some empirical evidence. I’m hoping for news along the lines of : “the tumor in your chest has shrunk to X size and the tumor on your spine is gone!” That would be nice.

Going in this morning is such a contrast to the last time I had a CT Scan. It was the morning of September 14th, the day after my first doctor’s appointment. I was scared and was frankly in shock. I remember I had put on a brave face, but when it was over I broke down a bit and cried. The test is simple, but it was just the idea of it. I was sitting there in hospital gowns, I had just received an IV for the first time, and was completely out of my element. And what was worse, I realized that it was about to become normal. That at some point it wouldn’t seem so strange and foreign anymore, and that scared me even more, as it meant that I was sick and that this was really happening. Well my fear has pretty much come to fruition, procedures are now commonplace and I find that I’m very comfortable around hospitals and doctors offices now (these are my people!)

The test is scheduled for 8:30 but we have to check-in at 7am so I can start drinking the contrast solution. I’m not so much looking forward to that part. If memory serves that stuff is pretty gross,  and I’ll have to drink quite a bit of it. If it’s a repeat performance of the last time, I’ll spend an hour and half choking down the contrast solution so they can see my bowels. They’ll take some scans of that, and then they’ll inject the contrast solution into my veins and take additional pictures. We’ll be out of there by 9.

So, CT Scan today and then as I understand it I’ll be going in for a PT (or PET) Scan before the next time we see the oncologist in early January, again as a “check-up” of sorts.

Fingers crossed that these tests will yield some encouraging results in the coming week.

Hopeful after a lovely evening

Posted on by
1

On Wednesday night Christine and I were invited to a recruiting presentation for prospective students of the MBA program. If you’ve been following us since the beginning you may recall that Christine was accepted into this degree program and had just begun courses when I was diagnosed and we made the decision to defer her enrollment for a year. The school has been very supportive of us and our decision and Christine has kept in contact with them throughout this process.

I have to tell you, at every encounter I continue to amazed and impressed by these people. Christine has been guaranteed a spot in next years class but they still invite us to the occasional recruiting event or reception in order to “ensure that you remain enthusiastic and interested in our program.” What they forget is how enthralled we are about the program but that just goes to show how thorough and impressive they are. Throughout the process they given us the impression that THEY have been courting and recruiting US into their exclusive program when really I feel like it should be the other way around. This is one of the top Business School programs in the country and they want Christine! (we won’t tell them that she can’t count)

It was a beautiful reception and dinner at the Sorrento Hotel with a brief presentation and then a few alumni spoke. I got so excited for Christine to start this program again, it was the same feeling I had back in the fall when we attended the “Back the School Night Reception” after her first day of class. I distinctly remember sitting in that room over dinner at the table full of her new classmates. It was a feeling of excitement, hope and endless opportunity ahead of us. It was happening! She was taking her first steps into this amazing program, I had just come off 8 months of solid steady work and was a few weeks away from starting another 3 months of work. Life was good! I was SO proud of Christine for everything that she had accomplished and was about to start, and frankly I was proud of myself for everything that I had accomplished and was about to start. That last bit doesn’t happen often, so I always note it when it does =) Two weeks later… well, you know that story by now.

The thing is, I had that same feeling again on Wednesday when I was sitting in the room listing to alumni talk about the program and the opportunities that it provided for them. I looked over at Christine and again was immensely proud of her and I was excited again for the future like I was back before everything happened. This is important to note, I purposely haven’t been “counting down” my number of treatments or spending too much time thinking ahead about an exact date when I will be finished with chemo since we don’t know, and it could change even if we did. But I do feel comfortable looking forward to next fall when Christine will be starting the program again. I assume that by then this painful experience will be be fading into the rear view mirror of our lives (hey look at that, imagery! This is what happens when you start reading books without pictures in them again). We’ll be back where we started, and probably much wiser for the journey.

Going Back to Work … Hopefully

Posted on by
Reply

The last show I worked on before I got sick was the sold-out run at a small theater

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s during the the end of our extension while we doing a series of Midnight Shows. It got really difficult for me actually. On one hand, my symptoms from the tumors were really acute and the show was in fact extremely difficult for me to get through at that point, but on the other hand I couldn’t tell anybody. That’s not true. I could have told my cast-mates, and in fact if we had done another weekend of shows like we had originally planned I would have told them as I probably would have had to start make some changes in my performance. At the time I could hardly exert myself without going into coughing fits (if you recall, I had a large tumor pressing on my lungs) and that’s to mention the fact that I had just had surgery. Still, we didn’t want to tell anyone yet, because I hadn’t had the chance to tell my family. But as fate would have it, we wound up canceling the final weekend of shows and I didn’t have to do the show or start telling people that I was sick.

Around this same time I made the tough decision to pull out of an upcoming (but now currently running) show at a larger theater. It was hard to do, and it was hard it was for me to come to the realization that I probably wouldn’t work again until next fall at the earliest. BUT things may have changed a bit. All I need is for luck to stay on my side.

A few weeks ago I was approached again about reprising my role as in their jupcoming remount starting the final weekend in January. They approached me knowing full well that I was sick, and they were upfront about their willingness to have someone understudy the role as well. I had already written it off in my head, so my initial instinct was to decline, but I thought about it for a few days and even after discussing my possible limitation with the new director, they still wanted me back. And so I’m happy to announce that I have agreed to return!

They have been EXTREMELY generous (and frankly I think, a bit a silly) to ask me back. But as there will be someone covering the role, just in case, this should work out. As I explained to them, there is no knowing where I will be at in 2 months when the show is scheduled to open. I can’t guarantee to them that I’ll be physically able to perform. And even if am able to open the show, the ever changing side-effects of chemo may prevent me from being able to continue the run. Or maybe my low white blood cell count will eventually catch up with me and I could come down with some kind of infection and I’ll need to be hospitalized or… well… suffice to say: I feel like I have been very fortunate with my treatment so far in that I HAVEN’T had any serious problems yet. But that’s not to say that I won’t. And fortunately the people there are willing to assume the risks (with the provided insurance of an Understudy!)

Even if I’m only able to do a couple of shows it will be worth it to me for a chance to get back on the stage again, earlier than expected even. And what I’m even more humbled by,  grateful for,  and touched by, is the fact that they feel its worth it to THEM to have me back, even if I’m only able to do a few shows.

I know that everyone out there is already praying for me and sending me good thoughts, but now I think it’s time that we all crossed our fingers and hoped for the best come the last week of January through mid-February. I’m gonna need it!

Chest Port Pictures

Posted on by
2

The CT Scan last week went as expected.

Jedi Knight Cancer Patient is hoping for good results!

Contrast this with pictures from the last time I had a CT Scan and you can see that we’ve really come quite a ways, at least as far as my comfort level with these things goes. In fact this time the process was even easier than expected as they were able to access my chest port and use that to administer the intravenous  contrast solution, saving my precious arm veins from another IV.

As they were “plugging me in” it occurred to me that I had yet to really talk about my chest port since the surgery last month. To start, you may want to a take moment to remind yourself what it looks like on inside, before checking out these pictures of what it looks like from the outside.

This picture was taken this evening. You can see can see the chest port under my skin. It’s  little discolored as it tends to bruise a bit for a few days after being accessed. It’s not like bruise caused by trauma to the site, it’s just a small collection of blood under the skin which oozed out of the port as needle is removed from the unit. At least that’s my understanding, it could also just be bleeding from the skin cause by the needle puncture. The benefit of a chest port is that they are able to use larger thicker needles, but thicker needles leave bigger holes and the skin tends to bleed a bit more than with smaller needles.

You can see the three little bumps which form a triangle, the nurses aim for the center of this triangle when they go to access the port. Directly above is the incision scar from when then put it in. Also pictured is the scar below my neck and above my collar bone from the lymph-node biopsy surgery that I had almost three months ago now. Long after I’m done with treatment I’ll have these scars to remember it by. OR, as I’ve said before, I may just come up with stories about this knife fight that I got into at a bar that one time… you should see the other guy!

We took a few more pictures from various angles so that you can get a better idea for how it sticks out from my chest a bit.

In that previous picture, the lighting is such that you can actually kind of see the catheter line a little bit too. If you create an imaginary line using the two little dots closest to the camera (so the bottom of the inverted triangle and the dot on the right), and if you follow it up the chest, you can kind of see a an ever so slight “ridge line” created by the difference in lighting on either side of it. I normally can’t see it, it’s barely visible here due to the perfect angle of the camera and the lighting. I can’t see it, but I can feel it with my fingers running up for about an inch or an inch-and-a-half where it disappears under my collar bone before running deeper into my chest.

… that’s my little nubbin.

Kinda weird, isn’t it?

It’s actually really odd seeing these pictures. I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that I have this little device inside of me, but looking at these pictures… it looks like there are alien eggs, or some kind of transmitter that’s been implanted in me. At the very least you’d think I should be able to tap it like a button and ask to be “beamed up.” That’d be pretty neat. Is that too much to ask? I’d take that over a cure for cancer any day! Though I would imagine that if we did have have the early stages of  Transporter technology, all of that molecular breaking down and putting back together again would probably cause cancer… but since I already have that: so bring it on!